2024-07-18 - To Be Brown, To Be Gold

Neath finds itself turning further and further away from human minds after the Touching. It focuses instead on dragon minds - greens, especially, but blues and browns and bronzes are never below its attention. It studies each in turn, tries to see which it resembles most, and struggles to find enough of a pattern to hold onto. This doesn't frustrate it as other things have lately. It can wait. It will wait.

This new habit leads it to Ertineth. He's a brown, and Neath only knows this so quickly because of the way he dwells on it. He turns it over in his mind, chews on it until his teeth hurt, grinds his jaws against it until something sharp and foul rises in his throat, and refuses to spit it out. Neath has never encountered a mind that gnaws at something quite like this and its fascination and compassion cause it to linger.

He looks at mother like he hates her. He looks at Yuakajth much the same. Why? Neath doesn't like Yuakajth either, but the acid bile Ertineth feels towards both of them is baffling. Was he the brown Yuakajth had been so proud of smacking out of the way? Neath doesn't think so. He looks to Mother more than Yuakajth. It wonders how she doesn't feel his gaze biting into her.

Why does he worry so about being brown? Why does it mean he can't mind a clutch? Pertemarth has minded Neath and its siblings before, as has Yuakajth (even if he'd done a poor job...) - couldn't Ertineth just ask? Neath is sure Mother wouldn't mind, especially when she has to go to the Healers to have her leg checked on. Perhaps it's something deeper he wants. But what? Why couldn't he be a leader, why couldn't he change? What about being brown prevented any of this? It tries to reach out to him and as always receives no answer - it'll have to wait until it hatches. Its lack of answers on what each colour really means itches at it the closer it gets to that day. Mother is gold and so are Issrodeth and Igith, but why are they special for it? Why is bronze Yuakajth more important to others when blue Pertemarth is more important to Mother? Why had that green said to the blue that his rider had wanted a brown? Why is brown Ertineth so made so miserable by being brown if it's supposed to be better than being blue?

The persistent worry that's been settling in its mind hardens further. What is to become of it and its siblings when they hatch?