2024-07-13 - He's Not Good for Much Either

Father is present and Neath is even less impressed with him than usual. It tries to pay little attention to him - why should he take up more space in its mind than he usually does just because he's here for once? - but he's so... Suffocating.

He thinks of bronzes and browns, of 'strong, large eggs' who survived the quake, of moulding these imaginary bronzes and browns, and Neath feels sick. Were the eggs who had not survived weak in his eyes? He spared a thought for greens but not blues - was Pertemarth inferior to him in some way in his oversized head? It reaches for the word Misogauth had loved to use so dearly. Stupid. He is stupid, stupid stupid stupid, and it wonders why Mother puts up with him at all. The eggs bring him pride and yet he's only rarely present in their lives - how can that work, Neath wonders? Gwillanth doesn't seem to find it 'so easy' the way this buffoon does.

And this mating flight business again. What does it mean? Why does it mean anything? Issrodeth had told Igith it couldn't be for love, but Yuakajth wasn't the Weyrleader, so why couldn't Gwillanth just be 'flown' by Pertemarth, whatever it meant? What did it mean that Yuakajth had 'caught' Gwillanth? Had she not wanted him to? The whole thing seems more trouble than it's worth in Neath's opinion. It tries its best to block him out and, cranky and unwilling to have him around for any longer than is necessary, does its best to shoo him away. This is another thing it cannot change, it knows, but for him it will try.

Ugh.