2024-06-26 - [ 2-4 ] i want to exist like you

Sunbeam had no proper frame of reference for the flashes of exultation derived from Gwillanth’s dreams, much less the language to remark upon it. As it consumes these emotions and sensations through their sacred conduit, these dreams leave an indelible mark, and their importance cannot be overstated.

At first, the joy is really quite umbilical: if mother is happy, so too should Sunbeam be. These dreams sparked a certain yearning as vast and inescapable as mother was, in fact. To be as mother meant to also obtain this feeling, this intense rapture, so that it may subsume Sunbeam too, just as it seemed for Gwillanth. When the dreams fade upon its mother’s waking, Sunbeam is left with what could be best described as a cheerful afterglow. When it is cut short, it feels wroth with indignity, scarlet and swirling. When it is not being nourished by Gwillanth’s dreaming, Sunbeam finds itself ruminating on those thoughts and feelings, even looking forward to it.

After all, they shared everything, at least in Sunbeam’s purview, and if mother felt such pleasure, then the same was true of her small admirer. Tiny twitches, flutters, and twists within the confines
(is it starting to feel confining in here?)
of its egg were a faint imitation of how it perceives its mother touching the heavens (even if it has no real understanding of this yet). These dreams start to influence Sunbeam’s colorful ‘sendings’ as well: a tapestry of colors and shapes, the psychic equivalent of an impressionist painter. The sunlight it yearns to understand more, the water that frames its entire existence.

It continues to dream.