2024-06-22 - If 'It' Isn't Broken...

There are more 'she's in the world than just Mother, and more 'he's than just her favourite. It's a realisation that doesn't surprise it much, but it is... Odd. There are no 'it's except itself and its others. Mother seems fond of the other 'she's, speaking with them often. Something about them is like her - it wonders if they are gold too. Or is it because they are also 'she?' Are they the same? Are all gold beings 'she,' or are all 'she's gold? What are the words for the other beings, then?

The other 'he' is different entirely from both Mother and her favourite, and it focuses more on this. There's a contradiction there: How can Father and Mother's favourite both be 'he' if they are different? Father, it is sure, is not blue. He visits less often than her favourite, isn't as affectionate or warm. That's what 'blue' has come to mean to it: support, happiness for Mother, company in lonely moments. It wonders what part exactly Father could have had in creating it if he is never around. Surely the favourite is more of an influence than whoever Father is? What is Father's significance at all?

It wants to be more like the favourite: present but not suffocating, loved more than it is tolerated, able to leave more freely than Mother can but welcome to come back at any time. Does this mean it must also strive to be blue, or is this another thing that it cannot change? What else does being blue mean, compared to being gold? How can the favourite and Father both be 'he' when Father is not blue?

Too much. It doesn't need to consider this, does it? It doesn't need these words, it decides. It doesn't need to decide on being 'he' or 'she,' does it? What's wrong with 'it' as its word? It doesn't need to decide between Mother and Father, she or he, gold or blue. It is, as always, just itself.