2024-06-13 - outward leap |2.2|

time is measured in mother's presence and absence, the strength of her voice and how it fades into a gentle hum

now too (so many nows! this too is time) there is the outward (where mother is, where words come from) and inward (everything else)

except

beneath/around/beyond mother's words is something else. something not mother. bright in the same way, but not as bright. not flowing inward, but remaining outward, just within its reach if it stretches

this does not ache like mother leaving, but it is also not warm and good like mother being close. briefly, it dares: can you listen? will you hear?

but as it speaks, it feels too - not like mother at all, not one-and-all-as-one but many (and so many! dim and hot, bright and shining, smooth and fleeting, sharp sharp sharp) and in its shock it shrinks back and away, curling tight/close/safe

if the others speak or move or do anything it cannot feel it, but it would also really rather not strain so far outward

maybe it will try again in another now