2024-06-09 - Start Of

There was Mother.

And with that realization came the understand that there was Not Mother, too. Two distinct entities - one that was the entire breadth of everything and the other that was just … Not Mother.

Patchwork. Wasn't sure where that word, the concept, came from but Patchwork suddenly clarified into a name for what was Not Mother. Maybe Patchwork was all that wasn't Mother? Wasn't sure. Patchwork didn't know how to tell.

Aware of in the vaguest, broadest sense of ideas becoming a little more distinct every time they occurred to Patchwork. The realization coming faster each time until Patchwork didn't forget it between flickers of consciousness.

Patchwork tested the limits of thoughts and thinking and slowly came to understand the pattern. When Mother was close Patchwork could barely find a distinction between being Patchwork and being an aspect of Mother's own mind. When Mother was gone then Patchwork hard a more solid grasp on being.

It was a relief when Mother was gone and Patchwork began to pace, running along the lines of what was Mother and what was Patchwork while in her absence. Trying to find the exact line of distinction so Patchwork would stay JUST Patchwork even when Mother was close and her mind blanketed everything. Fumbling for individuality at every opportunity and slowly trying to push back against Mother when she came too close. Trying to break away and separate from the monolith that was Mother in little increments of solitude outside time.
Trying to scrape away at something like self.

Patchwork had no understanding of becoming. Patchwork didn't notice as that tipped into being, either.

There was Mother then there was Patchwork, too. And the first true, independent thought Patchwork had was the jubilation of independent consciousness.