2024-06-09 - Emptiness is now Far-ness

There is no time, still only questions, but now there is a new way to identify things; The changes are numerous and one can sort through them one by one, needs to sort them out. Needs to find out what they mean for one. What does it mean when now, when Mother leaves, one can feel their being shift, feel a pulse through the planes beneath them. What does it mean now when the others are moved less far and more far away from one? That one can sense them, could try to talk to them. One will not, but... one wishes to. Far-ness is now something one can try to sense into, try to understand.

Warmth and not-cold coalesce into the same thing. Cold and emptiness are now different things. These are some of the many changes that one can feel, can identify, and one is not sure who to blame. Was it Mother's fault? Was She doing this to me- me? Yes, one and me are the same thing now, me and one. Not-one, ones and the others, these are the same now as well - was it their faults? There were so many of them that it could be any one of them doing this. The questions are still many, so many that now one cannot even begin to put them to words, but they still try to ask. What is happening, Mother? Why does me feel so strange? Why does me now have warmth outside of the empty, surrounding me?

The answers did not come easily, but they came anyway, however unintentionally answered by Mother or, more intentionally, by me. One can now understand that one takes up space, that Mother takes up space as well. It is not just an empty! There is a filled space here instead, where one resides and stays. Can one move like Mother? Can the others move as well? Me could not stand to fail like with speaking, it had to be better this time, one had to learn these things because me cannot stand to know things without a choice anymore. One waits until Mother has her back turned, until Her warmth faded just enough that Her gaze was on one of the others, and almost shyly, one begins to shift, to explore ones space. It was comforting, this space, secure and now that one knew, it was certainly not empty. Never moving too much, never too suddenly. After all, what if me were to cause more change than one was ready for? What if this space breaks apart, becomes not so secure or comforting? Becomes empty again? Small things, small things one could do, small things one will do.