2024-06-08 - To be, or not to be 4.1.3

For a time, Mother was all there was. All there is. All there would ever be.

Even in her Absence, she was still all. When she was gone, there was Nothing, a Void. Even as this fact was accepted, it was starting to realize that perhaps, this was not so fact. For if it remained when Mother was gone, and it could still be then perhaps... Perhaps Mother was not All. Perhaps there was also It. It had thought of itself as a spark, an ember of Mother's blaze, but more and more it seemed as if it was Its own kindling fire, like Mother, from Mother, but not Mother.

As with many of its experiences so far, it was torn, caught between two emotions, two reactions, two possibilities. A coin on its side, teetering this way and that, refusing to fall. Or perhaps it was not so fixed, perhaps it was more of a pendulum, oscillating but never choosing a side on which to remain. Sadness, Loneliness, Lost the pendulum swung. Joy, Freedom, Found it swung again.

The more it thought, the faster the pendulum swung. To and fro, back and forth, gaining speed until a jolt, a snap, a Choice. Though there was sorrow and loss at not being a part of that great Mother star, the Rightness of Self was a bigger, brighter exultation. To be oneself was to be More, it decided.

To be oneself was enough.